Beating Around the Bush: An Evening of American Satire

What an entertaining interlude on a Thursday night in New York City. Amidst heightened terrorist alerts and increased security on the subways, I ventured on-foot from my midtown workspace to the Concert Hall of the New York Society for Ethical Culture @ 2 West 64th Street (at Central Park West).

The writers and satirists on the program were:
Art Buchwald,
Barry Crimmins,
Paul Krassner,
Lewis Lapham,
Kurt Vonnegut, and
Sarah Jones as the Mistress of Ceremonies.

Sarah introduced the evening as the counterforce of human intelligence and wit that is American satire today. Her multi-character performance was entertaining as she moved effortlessly from a British accent to a Queens accent in mid-sentence. Her other characters: Lorraine Levine (old Jewish lady), Mareda (a Dominican junior high school student from Washington Heights - capital of the Dominican Republic), and Ameena Ali (Pakistani from D.C. where she was surrounded by white males telling her about the curry they ate in Georgetown).

Finally, the satirists came to the stage.

Paul Krassner, who coined the term, Yippie, mentioned California's medical marijuana law and Oregon's death with dignity law as a leaping off point for states rights vs. federal preemption. Federal law preempts California and Oregon in these areas, but in Louisiana, well that's the state and local authority's matter. His funny joke was about Donald Rumsfeld. "Those prisoners have more freedom than Americans. Why? Because they can go to Cuba and we can not."

With respect to the second Supreme Court nominee, Harriet Miers, GWB overplayed his hand. She is a farce for the High Court and he is just waiting for her to get knocked out so he can put his real choice in. Behind curtain number 2 . . .

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . .
so what's new?" So began Kurt Vonnegut.

"Isn't it about time that somebody investigated Yale?, he mused. What the hell are they teaching there at that school?"

So he ponders, does George Bush really care?
His answer: you might as well be mad at a hot fudge sundae. Pause for effect. The real person to be mad at is Donald Rumsfeld. Kurt analogized where we are today compared with Viet Nam and the Merchants of Death making money on the war effort. C'mon Rummy, a little body armor, will ya.
Two Words: (1) Fire . . . (and the audience chanted Fire in low tones so as not to run afoul of OWH who cautioned on shouting fire in a crowded theater) (2) Rummy. Bottom Line and the Chant for Today: "FIRE RUMMY." Take the message to the streets.

Barry Crimmins, commentator for Air America Radio, alluded to the crime blotter of the administration with a new TV series: CSI - D.C.

Nixon was compared to a herpes flareup, you thought he was gone in 1960, but he's back again, which was analogous to Rummy losing a war four administrations ago - well, guess who's back.

"God is talking to me again - we are going to re-enact Noah and Brownie will build the arks." You have heard of the New Deal and the Great Society. Well, Bush's program is The New Low: they started a needless war (based on weapons of mass distraction), they destroyed the economy, and the Bush Administration even lost a city. Our country is being run by dim frat boys.

FUNNIEST LINE OF THE NIGHT: We have a patriotic duty to startle Dick Cheney. Sneak up behind him and yell "Dick!!!!!!"' Sorry, I had no idea . . .

2nd Funniest Line: Bush must be nipping again. He was in the Oval Office with Dick Cheney and proclaimed that the next person walking through the door would be his nominee for retiring Justice O'Connor.

Bush sucks in public, like a bad actor. You ever see him walk. Giant arms and "now I am saying the words of others." Everyone knows that Cheney is the ventriloquist - notice how he seems to be talking out of the side of his mouth with clenched teeth. But if he is the ventriloquist, then that would make GWB . . .

So Barry, if you don't like this country, why not get out and live somewhere else.
Answer: Because I don't want to be victimized by American foreign policy abroad.

Lewis Lapham came prepared to discuss the history of American satire. He took us back to the days of Mark Twain and led us through McCarthyism to present day.

Question from the audience: What do you have to do to get fired from the Bush Administration?
Answer: Tell the truth.

Ha-ha.

Art Buchwald: There are no bad guys in Washington. Only good guys doing bad things.

He also touched upon Global Warming, the Iraqi war and a funny bumper sticker that he saw: "Drive Carefully! V.P. Cheney is in the trunk of my car."

This was the closest I could find:



"I love Bill O'Reilly. Whatever he is against, I am for. That is how I determine what to write in my columns."

Kurt: GWB is a recovering alcoholic. I have to give him credit. Many alcoholics see snakes, bugs, nasty images. But not George. When he turned 42 years of age - that is when he found Jesus. GWB is so cheerful b/c he lives one day at a time. "Well, I got through one more day."

Advice for young writers
Paul: Avoid cliches like the plague. (ha ha)
Lewis: Write every day. It's like practicing piano.
Kurt: Avoid using the semi-colon because it's like a hermaphroditic transvestite. The only purpose it shows is that you attended college.
Barry: Don't wait for the critique of your writing, just go on the internet and start a blog. If people like it, they will visit and revisit, and leave comments. Otherwise, you'll just be another shithead with a blog.
Art: Stay out of our business! (with a laugh)

Here are the titles and links to their books by the publisher and sponsor of tonight's event, Seven Stories:

OneHandJerking by Paul Krassner


A Man Without a Country by Kurt Vonnegut

Never Shake Hands with a War Criminal by Barry Crimmins

Beating Around the Bush by Art Buchwald

Gag Rule by Lewis Lapham

And that is about all I remember at this late hour. See you tomorrow.